A week ago I was on a yoga high. It’s hard to explain what a yoga high is until you experience it but I’ll get to it later in this post. Last Sunday my mom and I drove up to Los Angeles to attend Yoga with Adriene’s workshop at the Shrine. It was an incredible event and I finally got to practice yoga with Adriene in real life. For those of you unfamiliar with Adriene, she has a YouTube channel with new yoga videos every week. If you are new to yoga she is someone great to watch, her videos are for all levels. The theme for her event was self-love, honoring our bodies and taking the time to take care of ourselves. At the event I felt so proud to know that I was becoming a yoga teacher and could one day also share a message of love with others. Driving back I felt a yoga high after having spent an hour and a half flowing with beautiful people and meeting Adriene.
I was a little late to yoga teacher training (YTT), walking in I quietly put down my mat and joined the other ladies in a half circle. One of the girls was sharing what she feared the most in life and wiping away tears as she spoke. When she finished one of the teachers turned to me and filled me in that we were sharing our fears about YTT and in life. Throughout the training we have shared our stories and what has brought us to yoga, digging deep into our feelings it has been a therapeutic experience. But in that moment I was not ready to dig deep into my feelings and share. I was still on my yoga high and didn’t want to discuss something negative about me. Another girl began sharing her fears and was tearing up and I started to get worried because nothing was coming to me. My biggest fear about YTT was easy to think of, I fear that I will forget the words or cues to the flow and mess up. As for in life, S** I thought, my mind was completely blank. I felt like I had just overcome a huge fear that most people have and don’t have the courage to face. I quit my job I didn’t like with no other job lined up, travelled the world for a few weeks and then packed everything into my car to drive across the country. I begin to think that maybe I should share that story but I had already shared pieces of it throughout YTT. I dug a little deeper and come up with my fear of one day not being able to have children. I think this is a fear many young women who don’t have children yet feel and so I shared it with the group. When I finished I realized that I was coming down from my yoga high.
So what is a yoga high? My definition of yoga high is the act of feeling balanced through your body, mind and soul through the practice of yoga. You feel a sense of positivity, blissfulness and ease on and off your mat. It doesn’t always happen after every yoga class or meditation but in those moments you do feel a yoga high it’s calming. This was the feeling that I was experiencing throughout the first three weeks of YTT. I was eager to step on my mat, listening to my new favorite podcast, From the Heart and fully immersing myself in the world of yoga.
But the vibes I was getting in YTT that day brought me down from my yoga high. The rest of the training we practiced teaching the flow we will be tested on at the end. On my way home I started to feel discouraged because I hadn’t been practicing the poses and cues at all and felt like I was starting to fall behind. This feeling continued to the next day and while I was at work I started to look at study material for my ARE (Architect Registration Exam). To become a licensed architect you must complete over three thousands hours of work under a licensed architect and take six to seven ARE exams based on where you are getting your license.
Without realizing it I was beginning to plan when I should begin my studying and taking my next exam. On the way to YTT I got more into my head: Why was I doing this training when I should be studying for my ARE? I’m not trying to make a career out of yoga, I want to do it because it’s something I love to do. I have a full time job that needs my attention. I chose to not take any exams this fall because instead I wanted to take YTT. Plus yoga sounded way more fun than studying for an exam. By the time I got to the studio I didn’t even want to be there. I had signed up for the training to have fun but instead I was feeling stressed that I wasn’t studying and couldn’t remember which breath cue to give before a pose. Other girls were already saying all the right cues and names of the poses in Sanskrit. I was nowhere near that. Feeling defeated I still got through the class and YTT that night.
If you are still reading I bet you are thinking wow this doesn’t sound fun at all and this isn’t the happy post I was expecting from YTT. I even hesitated posting about this week because it wasn’t a positive experience. But I am committed to sharing my journey with you through YTT and always being my authentic self on this blog. I listened to one of Rachel Brathen’s beautiful podcast episodes From the Heart where she talked about trusting that life will take you where you need to go. This resonated with me because of the huge life changes I have made this year and how I was feeling this week in YTT. I know that I need to let go and just trust that this is the path I am supposed to be on and not stress about the little things. We are halfway through our training and already I feel like I have learned more about myself than I could have ever imagined in such a short time. It has been a humbling experience and I am so glad that I didn’t give up when it was tough and am continuing on this journey. I’ll leave you with this quote that one of my friend’s from YTT shared with me this week: “when there are potholes in my journey, I drive on the sidewalk”.
I want to give a big thank you to my family and friends who listen to me vent about my frustrations this week and who have been supporting me as I pursue my yoga and architecture careers at the same time. I know I don’t have my s*** together every day but you are all the ones that help keep the pieces together for me.
x the Adventurer
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